If the suicide was recent, you probably need to take time off work because it’s most likely that you can’t be productive in the state you’re in. I think it’s a good idea to make an appointment with your local doctor or psychiatrist after a few weeks, especially if you can’t sleep, can’t eat, feel tense and nervous, can’t concentrate and have the same thoughts going around in your head all the time. You could be suffering from depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. I didn’t know much about these conditions and was in a very bad state by the time I eventually went to a doctor. I should have gone sooner. Please don’t think that nobody can help you: somebody can.
Different people have different experiences with medication. I can only say that in my case anti-depressives were helpful when I was finally given suitable ones and took them regularly for more than 6 weeks. I didn’t experience any bad side-effects.
Talking to a good therapist can be helpful once you’ve got over the shock, especially if you don‘t have other people who react in a supportive way. A good therapist is a good listener and understands all the complicated feelings and thoughts that are weighing you down. With help, you can work out what steps you can take towards coping with the challenges you’re facing. If you don’t feel at home and comfortable with your therapist, you can discontinue the therapy and try to find someone who is more helpful. I eventually found a good therapist who helped me to get my life together and discover my own needs. Friends mean well, but they usually lack the expertise to offer appropriate advice and support.
Many of the above suggestions also apply if you are constantly thinking about ending your life. You are a soul in distress. There are people who can help you to deal with your crisis und unsolved problems. A doctor can prescribe medication to help your body with the effects of depression, stress and anxiety. Then you’ll sleep a lot better and start to feel better. l